woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
