Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
