I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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