And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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