This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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