Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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