I can't breathe out the right side of my face
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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