You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
