i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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