ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I just shit out all my problems.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
