I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're like the curious george of whores
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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