Life is so much better after having sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
