yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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