:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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