the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
