i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
