Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He has the fingertips of a God
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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