Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
