I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
