Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think my vagina is haunted
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
