I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize