Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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