The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
