Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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