I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
