I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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