My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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