Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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