i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want nice things and good sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
