I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
