the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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