im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
