other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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