Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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