Your face is a jimmy john
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
