The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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