ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
