But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
