Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
