I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
