we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
