Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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