Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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