i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
