put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
