I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
