If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
