Who wears a wallet chain?!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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