Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
