Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
