i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
