The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
