I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it because I queefed?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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