Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So many bounce houses so little time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
