tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
