Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
