Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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