i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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