riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
