Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She bit a glass in half.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
