"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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