I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
