So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I want is dick and wine.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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