I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
