Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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