First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
