why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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