She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
