i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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