I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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