it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
