I'm so fucking centered right now
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
