And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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