hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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