I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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