shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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