oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
