Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
