ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
