i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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